Such a Loser

These days I lose a lot of things. Mostly my glasses, keys, and my purse, but this morning was a new low. I am losing track of time. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, easy enough to remember, but when I turned on the television, the first thing I heard was that it was Presidents’ Day. Holy cow, it is the last of February already, and I haven’t done most of what I was supposed to do, except walk on the St. Augustine beach. My tendency to lose things is unlimited because I can lose almost anything and it’s most annoying. Yesterday, for example, I lost my knitting needles. I knit daily, which I discovered keeps my fingers a little more flexible. I knit stocking caps and give them to charities or various family members, who are now indebted to me for life for keeping their ears warm. I’ve knitted fourteen caps since I’ve been in Florida and like to think that I’ve kept several thousand ears warm over the past decade. Losing my knitting needles would be a big blow to a lot of ears. I found them, right where I left them, speared into a skein of yarn. I also lose my cell phone on a regular basis and that’s horrible. I have this app on my phone called Find My Phone, but it appears to be rather worthless because I have to find my phone in order to engage the app. I hate to call my kids and ask them to dial me up because I know they’ll huddle up and say, “One more reason that we need to keep an eye on her.” I have discovered my phone in a lot of places, but the most common is exactly where I left it, next to my bed, computer, or in extreme cases, beside an empty glass of wine. Covid has brought a new thing to lose: my mask. I have a box of the disposables and recently bought two cloth masks because the CDC says they are more efficient. One has a Marine Corps logo, to remind me that I’m tough, and the other has a beach logo, to remind me that there is life beyond toughness. I have only had them for a few days but have lost and found both at least twice. I lose my words which disappear into the deep, dark folds of my brain and they emerge at the most awkward times. I lose my train of thought, skipping from one topic to another. I like to think of this particular trait as being versatile, but my kids have another name for it, starting with S-E-N and ending with I-L-E. I recently lost my car (don’t fret, Keri, I found it, again). I scanned the parking lot and it had disappeared. Poof, gone in twenty minutes. My grocery cart and I traversed the entire parking lot until, oops, there it was, the last car in the last row, where I always park so that I can get more exercise walking to and from the store. I should have remembered, but I didn’t. On the other hand, the thing that I want to lose, the Covid pounds, stick with me. They are right here, in plain sight. Dang it. I don’t like to think I’m a loser, but I guess I am these days, but to my kids I say, “Just wait, you’ll lose things, too.” Let’s lose the virus! Wear your mask. If you enjoy Wrinkly Bits, please share

Such a Loser