Whipped Cream and Other Things

Retirement is supposed to be a piece of apple pie, ala mode, but this has been one of those weeks, busy beyond words. I was out of town for a couple days and now I’m back, but in between, I visited a few bookstores and libraries and senior citizen centers trying to convince them that I was going to be their number one bestselling author for weeks to come. No one really believed me, but they were interested, so not all was lost. When I returned, a local television station called and wanted to know about my books, making me very happy. What’s not to like? Two handsome, young interviewers who appeared genuinely interested in my romantic comedy series, Wrinkly Bits (three are available now, qualifying as a real series).

They asked me quite a few questions, but always bounced back to the passages about my whipped-cream loving podiatrist character, Logan. There are 65,000 words in the book, so why did they focus on only two, “whipped cream”? It made me a little nervous, but I did their bidding, reading a few passages about Logan and his apparent love of whipped cream combined with a toe fetish. My books are not about whipped cream, but I mention it a couple times, and maybe the young men were thinking about apple pie or Jello salad or something else that accompanies whipped cream.

I remember when I worked at the Idaho Department of Correction, I was cautioned by the wardens not to wear sandals, which is my number one favorite shoe. Why, I asked? Toe fetishes, of course, they answered, eyeing me suspiciously, as if I should have had a college class on toe fetishes. I read up on them, just so I knew what to expect in case a toe fetish was launched my way. In addition, a friend had once enlightened me about a t-shirt he had seen with an “Idaho Toe Suckers” logo, which seemed really odd, and now, ten years later, after inserting a toe fetish in Cruise Time, I apparently am the number one TF expert. Whoever would have thought it?

We got through the interview, and I read some of the passages and breathed a sigh of relief when I finished. I was ready to leave when I remembered to ask when the Wrinkly Bits interview would air.

“Titillating, Tuesday, naturally,” he said without missing a beat. Oh, dear…whatever would my mother say?

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