Ten Percent Tuesdays

As a senior, Tuesdays are especially important days. I know what you’re thinking: Yes! Hooray for Taco Tuesday. Nope. For me, it's 10 Percent Tuesday. Hot damn! A 10 percent discount on the majority of things I buy... fruit, veggies, dairy, meat, wine, and wine. You probably buy similar things. Thank you, merchants!

The problem is that the store clerks don’t ask anymore. They automatically punch the button that reads old person and off comes the 10 percent. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the discount, but wouldn’t it be better to say something like, “I can hardly believe you are eligible for the senior discount, Ma’am.”

Isn't it clear that I AM trying to maintain my youthful appearance? While it’s true that I gave up on the expandable body armor (which is too hot and too painful to get over my sags), I do exercise every day, I take a bunch of vitamins, and even have a cupboard full of creams and lotions and potions guaranteeing to stop the aging process. Shouldn’t I expect to look younger because, after all, I’ve been using them for nearly a half century? If not now, when? I keep reading and rereading the bottles…not a single one says it should take more than 50 years to work. Not one! I still look like the before photo of those Hollywood stars who have had three or four facelifts.

The irony is not lost on me. I try my best to maintain my oh-so-youthful appearance…but I still do want that senior discount. Can’t I have it both ways?