Hammerin' Away

My brother sent me a picture of his tool closet and it was a sight to behold, seven hammers, a gaggle of hand saws, a flock of pliers and a whole army of nuts, bolts, nails, and screws. I’m not sure why he sent the photo, but I was glad to see that he had tools, should he ever want to fix something.

Tools are important to guys, and some girls, but I do nicely with one hammer, two screwdrivers, and a pair of pliers and I’m unsure why anyone would need more. I have a Craftsman drill with no battery pack and a Black and Decker battery pack with no drill, but so far, I’ve made do just fine.

I recently went to a tool store on steroids and noted a flashing sign that said “TOOLS,” so I walked through just in case something caught my eye and I saw an unknown tool that I could no longer live without. I guess I’m not a tool aficionado and saw nothing that piqued my interest, but I’m here to report that there are a few more types of tools than saws, hammers, screwdrivers, and pliers. For example, hole saws from a quarter inch to five inches, a woman’s dream. And angle sanders so you can sand down an itsy-bitsy corner smooth as a baby’s behind. And a blue tooth enabled radio to allow the user to listen to Garth or Travis without missing a beat. Hopefully, the user will not cut off a finger, due to inattentive behavior.

My son and son-in-law are both tool guys and probably each could open his own big box store if he ever decided to go into a tool business. My son has four shops, one outside and three inside his house, and says he needs a bigger place for his tools. My son-in-law has a shop bigger than a closet, and sees the need to expand; who knows how big the expansion will be, as his tool chests (note that the word chest is plural) rival the number of weapons in his Idaho arsenal.

I went to Montana a few weeks ago and drove around, looking at the landscape, and noticed that shops were bigger, sometimes double, the size of the houses. I don’t think this is unique to Montana and I suspect that oversize tool shops are the norm in most states that tool lovers live in.

These days, I occasionally cede to online courtship, and am puzzled at why the suitors send me pictures of their toolboxes, including one recent photo of tools in the top drawer of a bathroom cabinet. It held a whole lot of tools and it’s making me wonder about men’s desire to be bigger, better, harder. Oh, dear.

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