Cowboy Bob's Tools

Cowboy Bob is at it again, and he sent me this response…He might take over my blog, if I am not careful.


Well, my friend from Idaho has done it again, and she is pushing my buttons with her story about men and tools, even suggesting that men have a sexual thing about tools, bigger and harder or whatever and we need all the tools we can get.

Now I will admit as a horse-riding cowboy, I don’t need many tools to keep old Slowpoke in good shape, but I have files, a twitch, a horseshoeing hammer, and all kinds of brushes. And to keep my pickup going I have other tools, hand-me-downs from my daddy and granddaddy in old toolboxes around the barn and shop. At my age I don’t swap my regular tires to studded tires (not a sexual thing) when winter hits like I used to do, but I still have a compressor and impact wrenches in case the urge hits me. A man must be prepared and since pre-historic times, men have been known as tool users, the opposing thumb thing, some would say.

My bathroom’s top drawer has the usual ear swabs and toenail tools, but I admit that I keep a cupboard with a hammer, pliers, a pipe wrench, and a few screwdrivers in case something needs fixing. One time a little filly I was romancing discovered them and laughed herself silly until I opened the door thinking she was in some kind of delirious delicti. I was embarrassed, but still was able to ask the obvious question, “What are you doing in my drawers?” Then, of course, I realized what I just said, and she had to grasp her sides to keep from keeling over. I just smiled and took it like a man.


So, the next time she invited me over for tea (I only drink coffee, but that was the invite), I went into her bathroom and what a world I discovered. I flushed the toilet a few times to keep her from asking too many questions, but man, how many bottles of skin cream does one woman need? How many shades of lipstick? I counted fifty-seven, and that was only one drawer. And on the cabinet sat four bottles of perfume. I was embarrassed and opened the door to escape but stared right into the piercing eyes of this suspicious woman.


Well, a man may use tools as a way of fixing things, but apparently a woman needs a lot of help in avoiding Father Time. My filly pursed her lips and said, “Do you like what you see?”

Of course, I said, “You’re beautiful, prettiest little thing I have ever seen.”

She said, “It takes a lot of work to back off the years and those are my tools, Cowboy, and if you don’t like it, you can get on Slowpoke and ride away, cause the age fight can be a losing battle and they don’t make enough face cream to win this one.”

I guess I am whipped again, but the next time she says something about tools, I’ll paste a silly grin on my face and say, “Honey, you’re right and by the way, you look marvelous today, is that a new lipstick?”

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